Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mom's Day

I don't really talk much about my family. Here or there in generalities. Yes there are the outrageous tales of me & my siblings. And the constant references to my "diddy". But I hardly ever talk about my mom.  Just never really have.
My mom passed away 7 years ago this August. She was way too young to die as far as I've ever been concerned.  My relationship with her was cliche complicated.   We had a very typical push pull relationship - she would always try to pull me closer & I would always push her away.  I'm like my  Daddy's family that way.  But it never meant I didn't love her.  I'm just extremely hard to love..much like my  Daddy's family. 
But I am the walking talking embodiment of my mother.   I have all her physical features.  Crazy multi-personality hair, long fingers & no fingernails, thin lips & baggy eyes.  I even have the same freckel on my thigh that she had.  I also have her same mental/emotional struggles.  I suffer from the same self doubt & criticism that she did.  At times I suffer from the same depression that she did, just not to the same depths.   But I also have her tenacity.
Since her passing I've tried to come home each year for Mother's Day & hang with my family.  I find it reassuring, recharging & sometimes frustrating, but always a blast!  This trip I stopped in to visit with my mom's best friend, Miss Nancy.   Sidenote:  In the South all women are referred to as Miss & their first name.  I love Miss Nancy like a mother.  There are things about Miss Nancy that I wished my mom had possessed but since she didn't so it would be pointless to mention here.  As Miss Nancy & I were catching up, I recounted a particularly difficult circumstance I'd had to navigate in the last couple of years.  Something where I'd really had to stand on my own & defend myself.  I'd never second guessed what I'd done or how I'd handled it, but when I told Miss Nancy the specific ferocity with which I'd done so she said "That right there was Sandra & she would have been so proud!"  Well it may not have come from my own mother's mouth, but it was just as good. 
Happy Mother's Day mom & guess what, I was always proud of you too!

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