Jimmy: Daddy, do you remember which eye i had surgery on when i was little?
Daddy: no, i just remember you got in trouble cuz the teacher thought you were looking out the window all the time cuz you had a lazy eye.
Jimmy (to me): you know, i would have been a great tennis judge at Wimbeldon. i could have watched the whole game and never moved my head!
I DO NOT MAKE THESE UP!