Tuesday, September 15, 2009

happy 8.11.0

i'm very good at making light of my marriage. but make no mistake about it, i take it very seriously. i have good friends who would attest to that. but i know not to take it TOO seriously. i know what deserves attention and what is simply not worth my time. i don't sweat the small stuff in relationships anymore.
someone used the word lucky today in a description of me. i've heard that more than once. "you're lucky you're thin", "you're lucky you went to collage", "you're lucky to have ". i don't buy that for a second. i'm HUGE about conscious choices. i'm where i am by virtue of some very hard decisions i had to make over time. it would have been easy to blame my failures on my parents divorce and wallow in that aftermath. it would have been easy to go where my daddy wanted and let him put me through college. it would have been easy to stay in that small town. it would have been easy stay with someone i loved very much but was limited in what i could give. but i have always said, "i know when something is the right thing to do, cuz it ain't easy!" and no one made those decisions, but me. and when i made bad decisions, those were mine to make, and no one elses. i own my own shit!
before i met nacho, i ended a very significant relationship. one that everyone around me questioned for doing. one that seemed perfect. but one that i knew was going nowhere. he believed in marriage and i did not. and i walked away from that (actually asked him to leave) and i was a wreck for what seemed like forever. but i knew, in the end, i'd made the right choice. i said to a friend, "i didn't put myself through all this crap for nothing. something amazing is going to happen to me this summer!" ask Dave and he'll tell you those were my EXACT words. and i was right. i met nacho that following summer. and when i did, i knew. i knew....he was the reason i'd moved to a college my daddy didn't support and refused to pay for to test me (i won). he was the reason i'd moved 800+ miles away from ANYONE and EVERYTHING i knew. and he was the reason i'd left that person that i'd loved so much. he's the reason i made those conscious, hard choices and stuck by them. and even though timing was not perfect when we met, he was the reason i waited. he was that amazing thing that was supposed to happen to me. and he did. and he's the reason i stayed.

i chose wisely!

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