I don't really talk much about my family. Here or there in generalities. Yes there are the outrageous tales of me & my siblings. And the constant references to my "diddy". But I hardly ever talk about my mom. Just never really have.
My mom passed away 7 years ago this August. She was way too young to die as far as I've ever been concerned. My relationship with her was cliche complicated. We had a very typical push pull relationship - she would always try to pull me closer & I would always push her away. I'm like my Daddy's family that way. But it never meant I didn't love her. I'm just extremely hard to love..much like my Daddy's family.
But I am the walking talking embodiment of my mother. I have all her physical features. Crazy multi-personality hair, long fingers & no fingernails, thin lips & baggy eyes. I even have the same freckel on my thigh that she had. I also have her same mental/emotional struggles. I suffer from the same self doubt & criticism that she did. At times I suffer from the same depression that she did, just not to the same depths. But I also have her tenacity.
Since her passing I've tried to come home each year for Mother's Day & hang with my family. I find it reassuring, recharging & sometimes frustrating, but always a blast! This trip I stopped in to visit with my mom's best friend, Miss Nancy. Sidenote: In the South all women are referred to as Miss & their first name. I love Miss Nancy like a mother. There are things about Miss Nancy that I wished my mom had possessed but since she didn't so it would be pointless to mention here. As Miss Nancy & I were catching up, I recounted a particularly difficult circumstance I'd had to navigate in the last couple of years. Something where I'd really had to stand on my own & defend myself. I'd never second guessed what I'd done or how I'd handled it, but when I told Miss Nancy the specific ferocity with which I'd done so she said "That right there was Sandra & she would have been so proud!" Well it may not have come from my own mother's mouth, but it was just as good.
Happy Mother's Day mom & guess what, I was always proud of you too!
My mom passed away 7 years ago this August. She was way too young to die as far as I've ever been concerned. My relationship with her was cliche complicated. We had a very typical push pull relationship - she would always try to pull me closer & I would always push her away. I'm like my Daddy's family that way. But it never meant I didn't love her. I'm just extremely hard to love..much like my Daddy's family.
But I am the walking talking embodiment of my mother. I have all her physical features. Crazy multi-personality hair, long fingers & no fingernails, thin lips & baggy eyes. I even have the same freckel on my thigh that she had. I also have her same mental/emotional struggles. I suffer from the same self doubt & criticism that she did. At times I suffer from the same depression that she did, just not to the same depths. But I also have her tenacity.
Since her passing I've tried to come home each year for Mother's Day & hang with my family. I find it reassuring, recharging & sometimes frustrating, but always a blast! This trip I stopped in to visit with my mom's best friend, Miss Nancy. Sidenote: In the South all women are referred to as Miss & their first name. I love Miss Nancy like a mother. There are things about Miss Nancy that I wished my mom had possessed but since she didn't so it would be pointless to mention here. As Miss Nancy & I were catching up, I recounted a particularly difficult circumstance I'd had to navigate in the last couple of years. Something where I'd really had to stand on my own & defend myself. I'd never second guessed what I'd done or how I'd handled it, but when I told Miss Nancy the specific ferocity with which I'd done so she said "That right there was Sandra & she would have been so proud!" Well it may not have come from my own mother's mouth, but it was just as good.
Happy Mother's Day mom & guess what, I was always proud of you too!
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